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Son Ranto Rants

Cubs on the Chopping Block

By Danny Rockett

Kind of a misleading headline for a simple Cubs and Braves preview but whatever. Click bait.

The Braves are the best and most racist team in the National League right now. They hit better than the Cubs with the best batting average in the majors and they find themselves 10 games over .500 atop the NL East. The Cubs are familiar with the Injun's hitting prowess at this point in the season. They've lost 2 of 3 games to the Native Americans. Cubs got shut out 4-0 and lost in dramatic fashion yesterday when Q's "Uality Start" of 6 runs over 4.2 IP, which included 3 Red Man dongs capped off KB's Klurching with the bases loaded in the 9th, and the Cubs were scalped 6-5. The only game the Cubs won against the Squaw's was that crazy cold rainy game when the Cubs scored 9 in the 8th when the Red Skinned pitchers couldn't hold the ball because someone stole all their buffalo skins.

The Savages pitching is pretty good too. Their team ERA is in the mid 3's, as is the Cubs, thanks to our #bullpenis which is nearly a run better than the Braves #bullpenis. The only thing the Pocahantas pitchers suck at is giving up walks. They've given up the 2nd most in MLB. Cubs aren't much better as they've walked the 5th most batters in organized baseball.

Here are the match-ups. (click the link, buy shit, we get paid)

Yu Darvish Chicago Cubs Gear



Yu Darvish 0-3, 6.00 Vs. Mike Foltynewics 3-2, 3.21

6:35 Central


Chop On Trucker Hat with a Tomahawk on it


Yu comes off the 10 day fake DL after giving up 6 runs to the Rockies through 4.1 innings., 3 walks, 8 ks, and 3 homers..

4 runs on 9 hits against ATL, walked 4 in April. Cubs shut out 4-0. Yu only went 4.2 IP

Bautista is only 2-23, 9 Ks.

Bautista and Preston Tucker (LF) have homered off of him


Folty gave up 1 run on 3 hits over 5IP in Miami last time.

Cubs last year, 2 runs on 5 hits, lasted 6.1IP while Cubs shut out Braves 2-0 in a John Lackey start.

Rizzo and Russell have homered.

Bryant 0-6



Tyler Chatwood 3-3, 3.35 Vs. Brandon McCarthy 4-2, 5.58

6:35 Central



Last time, Penis Whisperer walked 6, Kd 6 in an 11-2 Win over the Sox. Only 2 runs on 3 hits, lasted 5 IP.

Faced ATL twice in relief last year, went 2 innings each time, only gave up a hit and a walk.

Freddie Freeman is 7-13, seen him most.

No one has homered. But Braves have a .965 OPS in 46 PA’s


BM gave up 11 hits and 6 runs, lasted 5IP in a loss to Miami last time.

Faced the Cubs twice last year and shut them out over 6IP each time when with the Dodgers.

Benzo and Heyward have homered off him

Bryant and Schwarber 0-6.



Jon Lester 3-1, 2.66 vs Ma ma ma Mike Soroka (sung to the tune of My Sharona)1-1, 3.68 (only 20 years old)

6:35 Central



Lester gave up 1 run on 4 hits, lasted 5.2 against the White Sox on my birthday 5/12 in a rain delayed start.

Faced ATL twice last year for a total of 12 innings. One game he gave up 3 homers, but Cubs won both.

Bautista has 5 homers off him in 61 ABs but only batting .230

Freeman has 2 dongs. (which must be cumbersome)

Inciarte only 1-11.


Ma-ma-ma Mike Soroka went 4.2, 8 hits, 5 runs against Miami but Braves won 10-5 last time out.

Cubs never seen Ma-ma-ma Mike Soroka

Ma-ma-ma Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Woo!!

Ma ma ma Mike Soroka!


(We’re fucked.)


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At Least the Crappy Marlins are Coming to Town

By Danny Rockett


Well that sucked. To get swept by the Cardinals the way the Cubs got swept by the Cardinals is just about the worst baseball imaginable. The Cubs kicked the ball around so much I thought I was watching soccer. Untimely errors and hitting lead to unearned runs and un-earned runs. It sucked hard. But here's the bright side. The Cubs will face two teams under .500 this week, beginning with the Marlins for 3 games at Wrigley and then the White Sox over the weekend. The bad news is....the Marlins have been pretty good lately.

After getting swept by Milwaukee, the Marlins have gone on to win their next 4 series against the banged up Trolley Dodgers (who couldn't dodge a trolley apparently), The Rockies, The Phillies (they beat Arrieta), and finally the hapless Reds who don't even have 10 wins yet. Add to that the fact that the Cubs only managed a split of 4 games against the Marlins in the first series of the season, slightly outscoring the last place Marlins 19-18, and it doesn't look as much of a cakewalk as we might have hoped after hearing about Derek Jeter's fire sale. 

Jeter is trying to build an entire time that rhymes with Marlin. So far he has Starlin (Castro) and Jarlin (Garcia). Word has it he's working on getting Jeff Garlin to switch his allegiances from the Cubs to Miami. 

Miami has a record of 13-20, last place and are 7-3 in their last 10. The Cubs are a game over .500 at 16-15 and have split their last 10. 

So far this year, their numbers stink, but the Cubs haven't been much better. These stats are from a couple of days ago, but you get the picture.


Marlins have the lowest OPS in the majors .621. Cubs middle of the pack .724

Marlins hit the least amount of homers  22. Cubs 5th least, 28

5th fewest walks, Cubs 4th fewest walks.

Cubs 6th fewest Ks. Marlins in the middle of the pack.

3rd fewest SB’s to Cubs least SB’s in the majors. Tied with the A’s

Scored the least amount of runs. 99 to Cubs 138, in the middle.



4.63 to 3.38 Team ERA. Advantage Cubs

Starters, 3.91 to 4.38 Advantage Cubs

Relievers 4.94 to 2.57 Advantage Cubs

Marlins given up the 3rd most walks. Cubs 5th most.

Marlins middle of the road in giving up homers. Cubs 8th best.

Marlins middling in Ks, Cubs in the bottom of the league.



Cubs have committed the 3rd most errors. Marlins 6th least.

Marlins lead the league in Caught Stealing and the 5th fewest SBs against. Realmuto is good.

Cubs now middle of the road in throwing runners out.


So unfortunately, the Cubs are simply not that much better than the Marlins, at least offensively so far. Here are the matchups for the games that look like they will be played in cool but dry weather except for possible showers on Wednesday.


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Lefty Jarlin the Marlin Garcia 1-0, 1.09 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 2-2, 3.19

KW Flag day

Rematch of March 30th. Cubs lost 2-1

Cubs only got 1 hit and 0 runs off of Jarlin over 6IP in the first series of the season. Cubs lost 2-1

Last time out gave up 1 run on 4 hits over 6IP against the Dodgers. Marlins lost 2-1

Jarlin has a .848 WHIP

Rizzo, Bryant and Heyward have the only hits in 25 PAs

Kyle gave up 1 run on 4 hits against the Marlins in March. Lasted 6

Last time Kyle gave up 0 runs and 4 hits against the Brewers. 0 walks.

Justin Bour is only 1-11 but it’s a homer.

.530 OPS in 77 total PAs




Jose Urethra 0-5, 4.28 Vs. Yu Darvish 0-3, 6.00


Cubs got 5 runs on 6 hits against urethra on opening day. He walked 4 and lasted 4 innings.

Gave up 1 run on 6 hits against Colorado last time and lasted 7.

Happ has 2 homers, Rizzo and Jay Hey have homers.

Bryant 1-7 with 5 walks.

Cubs have a 1.087 OPS in 71 ABs


Yu gave up 5 runs on 5 hits against the Marlins on 3/31 and lasted 4.1

Last time, 6 runs on 7 hits against Colorado lasted 4.1. Kd 8.

Derek Dietrich homered off of him.

Cameron Maybin only 1-11.



Wei Yin Chen 1-1, 4.82 Vs. Jose Quintana 3-2, 4.99

Cubs haven’t seen him since 2016, 2 runs on 5 hits lasted 7, Kd 7

Last time, 4 runs, 5 hits, walked 4. Lasted 4 against the Reds

Zobrist 48 PAs batting .349 with a homer


Quintana gave up 6 runs on 6 hits in 6 innings against the Marlins on April 1/Easter

Friday night against the Cardinals he gave up 3 unearned runs. 5 hits. Walked 4. Cubs lost.

Starlin Castro is 0-15 and no one has homered off of him.


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Cubs and Cardinals: The Rivalry Continues

By Danny Rockett

The Cubs head to St. Toothless for a 3 game weekend series beginning tonight and I'm here to tell you all about how the two longtime rivals match up. 

The Cubs and Cards split a series at Wrigley with the Cubs winning 8 to 5 and losing 5-3, with a 3rd game being washed out and rescheduled on July 21st. In fact, 2 games were postponed, but the cubs 8-5 win was made up the next day. Currently, the Cubs sit half a game back of the Cardinals and a full game back of the Brewers, who've continued beating up on bad teams like the Reds, the Royals, and the Padres while looking like the Cubs kid brother when they play Chicago. But this preview isn't about the Brewers, it's about the sticky chested, STD ridden, resting bitch faced Cardinals. Here's who they are.

The Cards just took 2 from the White Sox on the south side and had 2 weekday off days bookending the series, so their #Bullpenis unfortunately rested. What's left of em anyway. Brett Cecil, Ryan Sherriff, and Sam Tuivalala are all injured, though Sherriff is expected back soon. And Adam Wainwright has a hurt elbow, which he hurt at Wrigley in the Cardinals win, but could be back to face the Cubs Sunday night as no starter has been announced.

The Cardinals don't hit for average, with Kolten Wong, Dexter Fowler, and Matt Carpenter all hitting below .200, but they have hit 9 more homers than the Cubs led by Paul DeJong with 7 and Yadier Molina with 6.  The Cards also walk more than the Cubs and steal more bases. (But everyone steals more bases than the Cubs who are last in the majors)

Pitching wise, last minute free agent edition Greg Holland hasn't worked out for the Cardinals so far. He's given up 7 runs and 8 walks in just over 7 innings pitched. thus, their bullpen ERA of 3.49 is nearly a run worse than the Cubs. However, their starters are nearly a run better than the Cubs starters. but luckily, the Cubs will miss their best starter, the STD ridden Carlos Martinez,  with a 3-1 record, a strike out per inning, 1.40 ERA, and herpes. Of note. The Cardinals have given up the fewest homers in the majors.

Defensively, Yadi hasn't caught anyone stealing yet. But it's because runners don't try. Only 7 SBs allowed. Of concern, the Cubs have committed the 4th most errors in the Major Leagues, yet still rank ahead of the Cardinals in defensive efficiency.Which kind of just sounds like a description of Javier Baez.

Here are the matchups, and if you're buying tickets to any upcoming Cubs games, please shop through our Stubhub link so we can get a little scratch. 


Jose Wintana 3-1 5.24 Vs. Miles Mikolas 3-0, 3.27 who spent the last 3 years in Japan.


NBC Sports Chicago

76-55 degrees

Academy Sports + Outdoors Autograph Night
Current player Jordan Hicks will appear from 5:45 to 6:15 and sign for fans 15 years old and under. Former Cardinals Tom Lawless and Kyle McClellan will sign for fans of all ages from 6:15 to 7:00.

Wintana, 7 IP, 2 hit, 1 walk, 7 Ks vs Milwaukee
Saw STL twice last year. Went 6 and 5.2, gave up 3 each time. Cubs won both games
Fowler batting .385 and has 16 PAs against with a homer. Dejong homered too.
Carpenter, Pham and Wong, 3-19 combined

Last time for Miles. 7 IP, 2 runs on 6 hits vs. Pitt. Kd 7
Cubs haven’t seen him since 2012 when he was with the Padres as a reliever. Cubs surprisingly won both games, but only managed 2 hits off Mikolas.
Zobrist 1-4, Heyward 0-1


Tyler Chatwood 2-3, 2.83 Vs Luke Weaver 2-2, 5.17

1:15 ABC

79-55 degrees
Pet Treat Jar
Presented By Purina | 30,000 fans, ages 16 and older

Fans with a special ticket will be allowed to bring their dog to a designated section of the ballpark, courtesy of Purina. Stay tuned for information regarding a pre-game full of activities to get your tail wagging.


Tyler, 2 Runs on 1 hit  and 7 walks against St Louis in April. Cubs lost.
Last time 2 hits, 7 IP, 3 walks, against Milwaukee. 0 runs
No Cardinal has homered of Chatwood, and Dex is 0-5, But Cards have a .408 OBP, 11 walks in 49 PA’s

We got 6 runs on 9 hits in 4 innings off him at Wrigley in April.
Gave up 4 through 5.1 last time in Pitt.
14 runs in his last 14 IP over 3 starts including that game against the Cubs
Bryant, Baez and Russell have homered off of him.
Cubs have a 1.205 Total OPS in 49 PA’s


Jon Lester 2-1 2.73 Vs. Michael Wacha 4-1, 3.62 or Adam Wainwright 1-2, 3.45 (My guess is a pitcher whose last name starts with "W" starts this game for the dirty birds.)



79-53 degrees

Prairie Farms Ice Cream Sundays

All Sundays, starting two hours prior to every home game, enjoy games, prizes and free Prairie Farms frozen treats, while supplies last, in the Ford Plaza. Kids Club members will receive front of the line access.


Lester gave up 1 run on 2 hits and Kd 7 against the Cards in April.
Last time 2 runs on 5 hits against Colorado in the win.
Carpenter is horrible against Lester with a .368 OPS in 51 PAS
Yadi also seen him 51 times. Respectable .746 OPS with a homer.
Gyorko and Pham each have 2 homers.
Dejong and Ozuna each have 1.

Wacha against the Sox, 2 runs on 5 hits in 5 IP
Cubs got 19 runs in 22 IP last year against him.
Rizzo has 3 homers off him, Bryant, Happ, Contreras, Schwarber 2 homers off him. Russell 1 homer
Heyward only 2-14

Waino’s last start was against the Cubs and he hurt his elbow and lasted 5. 1 run on 4 hits. Cubs lost.
Rizzo, Heyward and Contreras have homered.
Bryant only 3-17, but 2 doubles.

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Cubs vs Rockies Preview 4/30-5/2

By Danny Rockett

Many Cubs fans have been calling for the head of Nolan Arenado ever since German Marquez spun KB's helmet cartoonishly around last weekend in Colorado, but the baseball gods, led by ancient baseball historian Pythagoras and some Joe Maddon voodoo doll pinning, have the Rockies limping into Chicago. 

Check out this list of injuries the Rockies have suffered since Bryant was hit.

Tyler Anderson, Wednesday's starter, had heart palpitations in Miami. Either this is a result of a coked up club night in The Magic City, Joe Maddon's wine fueled voodoo doll ceremony, or Tyler's heart was completely broken by seeing KB's beautiful face being pummeled by a baseball. 

Kyle Freeland, Mondays starter, has a sore left heel. This is no doubt voodoo doll related. No other plausible explanation.

DJ LeMahieu and Carlos Gonzales both have hamstring issues, though are expected to play. At least until Maddon pops open a nice Pinot Noir and starts sticking pins into their MLB licensed dolls. 

To top it all off. Former Cub Chris Rusin has warts! That is some witchy ass shit right there.

Anyhow, I love how the Cubs retaliated. No warnings issued. And the result? The Rockies only scored 2 runs all weekend against the Marlins, winning their only game of the series 1-0 and getting shutout yesterday. 

Colorado is 4-6 in their last 10, 5 games in back of Arizona in the NL West and despite their winning record, they have a negative 24 run differential, which baseball historian Pythagoras said should make the Rockies 12-17. The Cubs helped them to 2 of these losses a week ago winning 16-5 and 9-7, but losing the middle game 5-2.

Offensively, the Cubs top the Rockies in Batting Avg, OBP, and of course HBP's. The Rockies top the Cubs in stolen bases, walks and homers.

Pitching wise, The Cubs team ERA is a full run better. However, it's mostly the Cubs bullpen that makes it so, which is 2 runs better. So much for spending all your money on a bullpen the day after the World Series ends. Stupid Rockies. Another caveat to consider is that the Rockies home ERA is 2 runs worse than their road record and they've won more on the road than at home. But I guess that shouldn't be a surprise given their stadium is known as a hitters paradise. 

Defensively, the Rockies have half the errors the Cubs do, putting Chicago in the bottom 1/3 of the majors and the Rockies in the top 3rd. If the Cubs decide to try and steal some bases, and they probably won't seeing how they are dead last in this category, but you'd have 76% chance at making it vs. only a 62% chance against Cubs catching.

It's gonna finally be warm at Wrigley, so head down to the game and buy your Stubhub tickets through this link so we can get a little paid! Doesn't cost a dime extra. Just click below and head to Wrigley!

Here are the pitching match-ups unless Joe Maddon starts sticking pins in Rockies dolls.


Battle of the Leftys! Kyle Freeland 1-3, 4.33 Vs. Jon Lester 2-1, 3.29

NBC Sports


Sunny 71-54


Note* Kyle Hendricks should be pitching on Tuesday so we’d have the battle of the Kyles and I could be happy.

Anderson’s heel hurts. Because he stomped in anger after seeing KB’s beautiful face get hit.

Still managed to pitch a 3 hit shutout against Whales Vagina with 8 Ks

Cubs got 5 runs, 3 earned and 4 walks last May against him. And we beat his ass 8-1

Current Cubs have a .349 OPS in 21 PAs against him. 0 homers


Last time vs. Cleveland, Lester gave up 3 Lesters and the Cubs lost to Cleveland

Jon gave up 4 runs on 6 hits and lost to Colorado last June

Gonzales, Ianetta, Arenado, LeMahieu have Lestered off him.

But Gonzales and Ianetta who have seen him most are batting .143 and .182 against Jon



Jon Gray 2-4, 5.79 Vs Kyle Hendricks 2-1, 3.10



Partly cloudy 73-60


Cubs got 7 Runs off Gray, 6 earned on 4/20. He lasted 5 IP

Then Gray went out and pitched a 3 hit shutout against Whales Vagina

Baez homered and went 3-3.

Bryant, Rizzo and Contreras went 0-3


Kyle gave up 3 runs on 5 hits and walked no one last time vs. Rockies through 5 IP

Then went out and gave up 0 runs on 4 hits against the Brewers and lasted 7

Dahl, Desmond, and Arenado have homered off him.

Arenado and Lemahieu only batting .263. (boring stat alert!)

Rockies have a .723 OPs in 125 PAs (another boring stat alert)



Tyler Anderson 1-0, 4.10 Vs. Yu Darvish 0-2, 5.26


50% chance of showers 74-60

Anderson left his last start with a heart issue. Probably caused by the heartache of seeing one of the most beautiful faces in baseball get pummeled with a pitch.

Cubs got 2 runs on 6 hits through 6 and he K’d 6. 666!!! (Cubs lost thanks to these devilish numbers)

Vs. Miami, only lasted 1.1 IP and gave up a hit. Then the heart thing...

Cubs have 34 ABs. OPS of .849 against him. Russell homered.


Yuuuuuuu gave up 5 runs on 5 hits and walked 4 in the loss to Colorado last weekend. 4.2 IP.

He was good till he was bad.

Then 1 unearned run, Kd 8 against the Brewers and went 6.

Cargo has homered off him

Ianetta seen him the most. Only 2-16 with 8 Ks.


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Cubs and Brewers Series Preview

By Danny Rockett

"Bernie and Bernette"

The Cubs come back to Wrigley Field for a 7 game homestand beginning tonight against the red hot Milwaukee Brewers who have won 8 straight games. The Brewers have won so much recently that Kato Kaelin has nothing to bitch about! But it's really not that big of a deal as they've won the games against bad to mediocre teams like the Reds, Marlins, and Royals. The Cubs were of course swept by the Reds, albeit only a 1 game sweeping in Cincinnati, and split the opening series of the year in Miami. So while the Brewers are making hay against lesser opponents, the Cubs have not been and find themselves 3 games behind the 16-9 Brew Crew. The Cubs are 5-5 in their last 10 games.

But don't abandon hope! The Cubs won 3 of 4 in Milwaukee earlier this month, shutting out the Brewers in 2 of the games, outscoring them 20-7. The Cubs are a better hitting team. The Brewers have been a better pitching team so far. And the Brewers defense is shoddy as they lead the major leagues in errors. Here's some day old stats to illustrate.


Cubs hit 16 points higher than the Brewers. 3rd in MLB.

Cubs OBP of .350 is 29 points higher than the Brewers and are 2nd in Majors behind the A’s

Brewers have hit 6 more homers than the Cubs, 5th in majors

Both teams middle of the road in taking walks

The Brewers K more than the Cubs. 7th most in the majors. Cubs 22nd most.

The Brewers are 5th in SB’s. Cubs now last. Only 4.

Cubs have scored 21 more runs than the Brewers in 4 fewer games.



3.32 Brewers to 4.04 Cubs Team ERA

Cubs starters climbing out of the basement with the 7th worst ERA in the majors

Brewers starters middle of the road with a 3.90 ERA

Brewers 2.56 Reliever ERA is 3rd best in the majors. Cubs have fallen to 6th with a 2.76

Middle of the road in giving up the long ball. Cubs are the 5th best team at keeping the ball in the park.

Cubs have given up 97 walks, 5th most. Mostly Eddie Butler. Brewers 12th.

Middle of the road in Ks for Brewers. Cubs 9th best.



Brewers lead the league in errors. 22. Cubs have 17. 7th

Catchers Pina and Bandy have been good. 3rd best SBPctgs

Willson and company are 7th. 2 more CS’s

Defensive Efficiency Ration: Cubs have the 7th worst Der. Brewers 7th best. 20 points behind their mark of .704


Of course it won't hurt the Cubs a bit that they just lost slugger Eric Thames to a thumb injury for 6-8 weeks and we all saw Corey Knebel go down hard with a hamstring strain the last time these teams met. Here are the pitching matchups.


Chicago Cubs Gear at


Chase Andersuck 2-1 3.25 Vs. Kyle Hendricks 1-1, 4.09


Might rain late. Game in the 40s


Earlier this month, we got 2 runs off of 4 hits off of Andersuck. Walked 2. Kd 2 and Zobrist homered.

Contreras had a double and a triple and was also HBP

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Bryant has 3 homers. Rizzo 1-12


Kyle gave up 4 runs on 9 hits in Milwaukee only lasted 5.

Gave up 3 runs on 5 hits last time vs. Colorado. Only lasted 5 but Kd 6.

Thames and Shaw homered off him and pretty much everyone else in the Brewers lineup got a hit.



Lefty Brennnnt Suter 1-2 5.68 Vs Yu Darvish 0-2, 6.86

1:20 Cubs fleece blanket

NBC Sports

Cloudy, high 53. More possible rain.


Cubs got 5 runs on 8 hits. Chased him after 5. He walked 3.

Last time also gave up 5 runs against Miami.

Contreras, Almora and Russell all get hits half the time they face him.

Rizzo 0-11.


Yu gave up 5 runs on 4.2 innings. Walked 4 last time out vs. Colorado.

April 7th vs Brewers, he went 6 and struck out 9. 1 run on 2 hits. Thames homered

Yellich has homered off him too and Sogard is batting 313 and has seen him the most.

Villar and Cain have 1 hit and walk between them in 21 PA’s



Junior Guerra 2-0, 0.56 Vs. Jose Quintana 2-1, 7.78

1:20 Dancing Bullpen Beverage tumbler


Sunny 45


Faced Junior in 5.2 innings last year. Only got a Kyle Schwarber homer off him last september.

Gave up 1 run on 5 hits against Miami last time out

Rizzo, Heyward, Russell, Baez and Almora at 0-23 collectively.


Jose 0 runs on 3 hits vs Milwaukee on 4/8, 2 walks, 6 ks 6 IP

Last time against Colorado. Gave up 4 runs on 8 hits. But 2 runs were the suns fault. Kd 7 through 5.1 IP

No Brewer has homered off of Jose. Cain has seen him the most. Batting .288.

Most Brewers numbers suck against him. Team batting only .207, .243 OBP.

39 Ks to only 7 walks. In 173 PAs



Zachachachacha Davies Vs Tyler Chatwood 0-3, 3.74

1:20 Cubs Slouch “Beamie”...Jim Beam. Gotta be 21

NBC Sports

Sunny 54


Zachachacha1 run on 4 hits, Kd 8 Cubs through 6. Walked 3 earlier this month

Bryant homered off him.

Last time gave up 2 runs on 4 hits against KC and also lasted 6.

Bryant has 2 homers off him. So does Schwarber. Caratini and Contreras each have 1.


Tyler walked 5 and Kd 5. But only gave up 1 run on 4 hits against Cleveland.

Started against Milwaukee last April and gave up homers to Thames and Shaw.

Also gave up a homer to Jesus Eagle (Jesus Aguilar). 1.101 OPS Overall in 34 PAs


The Cubs can sweep their way into 1st place during this series. That'd be nice. Buy your tickets on Stubhub through this link and we get paid!



Back to Cleveland: An Indians Preview

By Danny Rockett

I haven't been to Cleveland since the best thing ever happened in Cleveland. I saw the world's formerly smallest book at the library!

Oh wait...that wasn't the best was The Cubs winning the World Series, but the formerly smallest book was a close second for sure. 

So, how are the Indians looking this year? Well, they are in first place in the AL Central at 12-8 after winning 3 of 4 in Baltimore this last weekend and splitting a series with the Twins down in Puerto Rico.  And they are winning despite not scoring runs and being in the lower rungs of most offensive categories.

(All these stats are from Monday morning 4/23)

Don’t hit for average, 2nd worst in majors. .219. Cubs 40 points higher

Indians OBP is 3rd worst, Cubs are 1st. 60 points higher at .349

9th in homers, hit 4 more than the Cubs who are 20th.

They don’t K much. Cubs and Indians in top 3rd of the league.

They don’t walk much. 3rd fewest walks, Cubs are 12th.

Cubs have outscored Indians 110-70


So how do they win? Pitching Pitching Pitching....


2.65 Indians to 4.14 Cubs overall era. 2nd and 17th

Starters 2.66 to 5.27

Relievers 2.63 Indians to 2.75 Cubs

Both teams middle to best in giving up homers

They wont, they wont walk you! Walk you! 43 BB’s best in majors to 91 for the Cubs, 4rd worst. Tied with Reds

They won’t strike you out either. Both teams in bottom ⅓ of the majors. Cubs 20 more Ks

Indians have not balked this year.


And defense!


Committed 10 Errors to the Cubs 16, Cubs 7th worst

78% chance of stealing on them 61% chance of stealing on us

Indians are #1 in Defensive Efficiency Ratio…..754 …..Cubs are 22nd. .689


The Indians might have only scored only 70 runs, but they've only allowed 55. 


Here are the matchups....(Buy tix through this link and we get paid!)


But first! Danny's Daily Deal....25% off all orders at Fans Edge with code "Sunny25" here!

Game 1

Tyler Chatwood 0-3, 4.60 Vs. Josh Tomlin 0-2, 8.00

5:40PM WGN

Check in at the game and you could get gloves, a car magnet, fidget spinner, Kipnis (worst Cubs fan ever) Bobblehead

80% chance of rain in the 40’s


Last time Chatwood 2 runs on 1 hit, walked 7 and Kd 7. Lasted only 4.2 IP vs. St. Louis

Faced Cleveland for 1 inning last year in relief. Got the save in a game that went 12.

Yonder Alonso 2-3 with a homer and a walk

Michael Brantley 0-5 with a walk


Last time Tomlin pitched in that 16 inning game against minnesota in Puerto Rico. 1 run on 3 hits and lost the game for his team.

Cubs got 6 runs off him in game 6 of the World Series. Also, 1 run at Wrigley in Game 3

Zobrist seen him most. 5-23, 2 walks and a homer. Bryant homered.

No one else seen him much.


Game 2

Jon Lester 2-0. 3.10 vs Trevor Bauer 1-2, 2.67

6:10 NBC Sports

Check In and get a mug, Jose Ramirez Bobble, fidget spinner

Rain all day, then 30% chance of rain. Low of 37.


Last time. Lester, 1 run on 2 hits, Kd 7 through 6 vs Cardinals

In games 1,5,7, Lester pitched 14.2 innings. 7 runs, 16 Ks

Rajai Davis, Edwin Encarnacion (2), Jose Ramirez, Roberto Perez homered

198 PAs, .782 OPS


Last time Bauer gave up 3 on 5 hits over 7 IP to Baltimore

The Indians lost all 3 games he pitched in in the World Series in 2016

Russell is 5-7, only Bryant has homered.

Heyward 0-9


There's a good chance it will rain on Tuesday night and we will be in for a cold rainy double header tomorrow. April sucks. Go Cubs.


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Cubs Bout to Get a Mile High

By Danny Rockett

The Cubs head to Denver, Colorado for a 3 game series against the Rockies today, 4/20. Let's hope the Cubs roll into the joint, fire it up and bong the ball outta the park all weekend! If you are looking for tickets use this Stubhub link and help Son Ranto get Pizzaid!


Here's how the Cubs match up.

The Rockies are 11-9 and just took 2 of 3 against Pittsburgh this week and were off on Thursday, so their pricy 49 million dollar #BullPenis rested. Wade Davis already has 8 saves B.T. Dubs.

Offensively, The Rockies have the second worst OBP in the MLB, 56 points lower than the 9th place in the majors Cubs. They've stolen 11 bases to the Cubs 4 and both teams strikeout about the same amount of times. One major concern for the Cubs this weekend is that the Rockies have hit the most homers in baseball, 27. 10 more than the Cubs. And before you say something ignorant like..."oh yeah, well Coors Field, thin air, humidified baseballs"....let me tell you that only 7 of those homers have been hit in their home ballpark. Still. The team's got pop. Oft rumored Cubs trade target Charlie Blackmon leads the Rockies with 7.

Pitching wise. The Rockies sport a team ERA a third of a run higher than the Cubs. But if you split it out, the Cubs starters have been allowing runs at a 1/2 a run higher clip, while the Cubs bullpen has performed over a half a run better than the Rockies. These stats tend to switch back and forth throughout the season. Note the prevalence of the feeling that when the starters do well, the #BullPenis terrible and when the starters suck the #BullPenis lights out. The Rockies are a weird team. They spent all their money on the pen. Their #BullPenis rich! However, they haven't performed to their expectations as of yet. Let's hope that continue and we don't even see Wade Davis.

Defensively, the Cubs have committed 8 more errors than the Rockies despite playing 4 fewer games due to inclement weather. I'd propose that some of those errors were due to Chicago's continuing Winter but maybe that's just an excuse.

Here are the match ups for a Denver weekend that promises more rain and snow. 

Yu Darvish Chicago Cubs Gear


Kyle Hendricks 0-1 3.71 Vs Jon Gray 1-3, 6.23 (Makes a beautiful woman without the beard)

Teacher Appreciation Ticket package

Teachers Rock backpack cooler

7:40 CT WGN

33 degrees. Rain with snow winds could gust 40 mph


Last time vs. Pitt. 6 IP, 2 runs, 5 hits, 7 Ks

Vs Colorado last year 6.1 IP, 2 runs, 4 hits, 7Ks

Cargo, Desmond and Dahl have homered

Arenado only batting .235 and has seen him the most


Gray gave up 5 runs on 8 hits through 5.1 in Washington

Never faced the Cubs or any of our players



Yu Darvish 0-1 6.00 Vs Lefty Tyler Anderson 0-0, 4.74

Partly cloudy, snow and rain all day 36 degrees

7:10 NBC sports


Yu: 4 runs on 9 hits, walked 4 through 4.1IP in loss to Braves.

Saw Rockies last year, 5 runs on 5 hits, 4.1IP

Ianetta 18 PA, batting .125

Cargo has homered


Tyler 3 runs on 2 hits walked 6 and lasted 4.2 in DC

2017 5 runs on 8 hits and went 7, K’d 8. Rockies won.

Cubs 1.167 OPS in 17 PA’s. Russell homered



Jose Quintana 1-1, 8.16 Vs German Marquez 1-1, 4.34

25th anniversary reusable Earth Day Tote Bag. (longest name in the history of tote bags)

Sunny and 67!

2:10 NBCSports


Went 2.1 IP 7 runs on 7 hits walked 4. Cubs won 14-10 in a game that shouldn’t have been played.

3 runs on 5 hits Kd 10 last year vs. Colorado when with the Sox

Ianetta seen him most and has 2 hits in 20 PAs. 5 walks.

Arenado has homered 1-6


German 2 runs 2 hits 6 ks 6 innings against Pitt

Faced Chicago 2x, 2 runs on 2 hits, 3 walks, 3 IP, threw 81 pitches

And then shut us out over 8 IP, 8 ks. Cubs lost both games

No one has more than 5 PA’s against him. Best hit is a KB double.

Cubs batting .172 in 34 PAs, Benzo 2-3


Yu Darvish Chicago Cubs Gear


Join listeners of the Son Ranto Show with host Michael Cotton before the game Friday night! 4:20 at the Falling Rock Tap. Here is a link to the Facebook Event. 
Speaking of Mr. Cotton. Here are his Rakes/Flakes/Throws/Blows from our Rockies Preview Podcast which you should listen to if you hate reading. And if you like the rest of this article and check out the "Sordid Travels of a Cubs Fan" article I wrote 4 years ago for Bleed Cubbie Blue about my trip to Colorado. It's pretty wild.

Rakes :  Charlie Blackmon had some quad tightness and missed a few games last week, but in the 4 games since he has returned, he has 6 hits in 16 ABs. Three of those were home runs. The guy is second only to Bryce Harper in homers so far this year and he has not hit a single one of them in Coors Field. He does have 4 Ks in that time and 0 walks.

Flakes: I want to give this to Arenado for being a bitch about getting hit a single time, but since he's not playing I'll go with Ryan McMahon. He's actually a pretty highly touted rookie, but so far he has been overmatched by big league hitting. In his last 7 games, he has 2 hits for a 133 avg, which is better than the 097 he has on the season. He has 31 ABs on the season and only has 3 hits and 3 walks with 16 strikeouts.


Throws: The only starter the Rockies have that could be considered for throws is Chad Bettis, but the Cubs won't see him this weekend. None of the other starters have an ERA below 434 and nobody makes it deep into games. German Marquez is the best we will see with that 434 ERA, a 139 whip, and a 209 avg against. Only Bettis has better numbers.


The Rockies made a splash early in the off season with some serious money for a bullpen and Wade Davis is the one Cubs fans were pissed about. So far this year he has appeared in 9 games and collected 8 saves. In 7 of those games, he's struck out 7, walked 2, and had 0 hits. In the other two games, he gave up 3 hits and 2 runs including a homer. Another guy to watch in the bullpen is former Bastard Bird, Adam Ottavino just because he has wicked movement on his pitches and it's fun to watch. I doubt the Cubs get any hits off of him.


Blows: The consolation prize in the 2013 draft after the Cubs took Kris Bryant, was Jon Gray. This guy still has some really good upside if he ever goes somewhere outside of Denver, but right now he is blowing. In his last two games, he's given up 7 and 5 runs respectively including 3 homers. On the plus side for Gray is 23 Ks in 21.2 innings with only 5 walks. In the pen, Antonio Senzatella has given up 8 earned runs on 11 hits and 2 walks over 8.1 innings.




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